To Be Human

More often than not, I live rent-free in my head.

I won't say something cliché like, “I battle the demons in my head.” I mostly live and relive moments that have not happened.

Have you ever been separated from reality that you feel everything you do is a habit?

It is fair to say that we have life but I always ask myself,

How many people live?

How many people live life every day and not just get through it?

There has been an honest pattern of recurrence that I am just trying to survive–

To get through to the next day.

I think it is a little sad that life seems this way on most days for the best of us.

Life is hard but that doesn’t mean that living has to be too.

Healing and trying to recollect yourself in an ever-demanding world can be difficult.

I find it difficult.

Every other day, I find myself putting other people before myself.

I convinced my younger self I was being considerate and caring.

The world did what it does best–

It took advantage of that.

Now I’m left with a hole to fix and a heart that still gives.

Before you take out your kerchief, I’m not complaining.

I am not complaining because it is my nature and there is nothing that can change that.

No amount of hurt and heartbreak from the world can ever change that.

I always wonder why it is so easy for people to always take and never give.

How did we ever get here?

To the point where 14-year-old me asked,

“How much of myself do I have to sacrifice to be enough? To finally live?”

Okay, now your heart can break a little

This is not a sad story by the way.

It’s something that should get you thinking…

What does it mean to be human?

I don’t think it has to be a life that feels like a chore.

Neither do I think we should waste time inflicting deeper scars on each other.

What if we are the ones breaking the world apart?

Maybe we do not know ourselves enough to give so we just take.

We take and we take because we never took the time to give ourselves.

We could be lacking vitamin us.

I believe I still chose to try and love myself through all the pain.

I did a great job.

But I think I forgot to be human to myself too.

To be continued.

Nothing but Cocoa Love,

Sam 🌻

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When was the last time you said how you truly felt and immersed yourself in that feeling?