Prelude

Kahawakati ~Coffee time with me

The past week has been so heavy due to the remnants of the past weeks' red flags.

I've been playing a dangerous game of catching up with my life.

My well-being has been under constant threat.

My physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual well-being have been taking a backseat.

It truly sucks to be in such a situation when priorities are ill-adjusted, and your body and mind are at odds.

It is sad to see how much I push myself against a wall to not disappoint other people.

Being secondary in your life feels like you froze in time, watching your life pass by like a fast train barely seeing your reflection.

You feel dizzy and sick to your stomach when you realize everything is moving so fast.

You're the only one who is still.

When everything else is spinning and feeding off your energy, you are still.

You stand and stare before you realize you do not have to be a spectator in your life.

The punch in the stomach was placing other people's feelings of disappointment before my sentiments. I thought, "well, this is insane!"

I've spent long nights wondering how it got this bad and if the history of people pleasing gets you this far. If this is what I get for the inability to say no to people, I'm not here for it.

I've had a long history of needing to place other people's needs before mine.

At first, I thought it was because of my personality and good nature.

It was partially true because that is how I developed a habit of not knowing how to say NO.

The only thoughts that kept me awake on most nights this week were, "Why did I give so much?" "Samita, how did we get ourselves here?? I bet they sleep soundly every night."

My current convictions have been a series of frustrations, dry tears, and moments of disbelief. They have been a series of pages and pages full of ink and painful realizations between the lines.

Silence in the deep night is what got me this far. It's what made me realize how I need to liberate myself.

I've been held back by thoughts of what other people would think of me.

That was a sure sign of still being bogged down by people's opinions.

Trying to move this mountain for the past couple of years has been tiresome.

I am finally ready to get to the top and enjoy the view.

I know I am not a quitter.

I have realized when enough is enough.

A complicated situation has all boiled down to a simple conclusion.

Everything I have poured into my daily routine does not serve me anymore.

It disregards the things I love and has taken much more than it's giving me.

I'm done missing out on my life.

Billy Joel was right...

I think he wrote this song for us--

We live such a fast-paced life that we forget what we need.

We really can afford to lose a day or two.

You're so ahead of yourself that you forgot what you need. Though you can see when you're wrong. You know you can't always see when you're right ~Billy Joel, 1977

The answer is always in the classics!

I hope this piece inspires you to let go of things that do not serve you.

Liberate yourself and live your life to its fullness.

I know it is hard but nothing is sweeter than freedom!

Nothing but cocoa love,

Sam 🌻