1. Let's talk Religion. 🧚🏽‍♀️

Ligare: To bind back. PS; MY OPINION, MY BUSINESS. Ever since I stopped doing the sign of the cross in a Catholic household, it was a concern.

The first question that popped up the most is, “You’ve lost faith in the church?” I find that ridiculous because that is what people are more concerned about. No one asked me if I still believe in God. Ever since I was little, I felt like church was not sacred, it was a chore. It was like something I ticked off on my to-do list for the day and funny enough, I felt more drained after masses. Growing up in the ideologies of the church and its beliefs of ‘fearing God’, ‘confessing every Sunday through a priest’, ‘praying through a saint,’ ‘cramming prayers because if you know prayers you are closer to God’- The list is endless for me! All these and more never sat well with my soul. The first time I questioned God and His son, I was told it was blasphemous. When I questioned why we recite prayers like zombies, I was told I should not question things and have faith. Even if I was young, I was inquisitive in nature. I wondered why I should respect, fear (which I took in the literal sense), and pray to someone out there. Then in the same turn, they told me to have a good relationship with my Father in heaven… HA! On top of that, He has a son that came to liberate sinners, but I (everyone) was still somehow a sinner… It made NO SENSE to my 10/11-year-old mind!! I was definitely not a fan of having blind faith or reciting prayers that did not rattle my soul to the core. Neither was I a fan of just sticking to just the Gospels and major stories of the Bible. I mean, there’s a WHOLE Bible to read from… I knew I was hungry for more but everyone around me seemed not to understand what my frustrations looked or felt like. By 13/14, I delved into reading novels. I hated church and went to church to please my parents and probably not taint the long tradition of Sunday = church in probably every Christian household. I cared more about upholding this reputation when all it did was tear me apart from the inside. I find it funny that sometimes we make choices that make us bleed from within. ANYWHO!! I mostly looked forward to the praise and worship sessions because they were BOMB! Probably see some friends then disappear. Sundays were tiresome and the only thing that always ran through my mind was how much I wanted to just go home, sleep, catch a movie that I probably watched 5,000 times or read more Dan Brown novels. His works slowly roped me in and before I knew it, I became a HUGE fan of his books. He challenged how I thought and it helped me voice out the thoughts I always had but could never say out loud. I was not ready for a ‘Unafaa uombewe’ session. I already questioned the church a lot! From the priests to the congregation. I wondered how it made sense for some Catholics to paint themselves in a certain light and then immediately shame another person from another religion or denomination. It beat the whole teachings -which I held closest to my heart- of loving your brother as you love yourself. I heard endless rumors and prejudices surrounding Jehovah Witnesses and Muslims most of the time. All my senses pointed to digging deeper to find out why. I already lost my faith in the Church anyway… I thought, “Why not go on an adventure to justify why?! “ That was my moment of ‘The end was my beginning.’ I had those moments of trying out30-day prayer challenges or reading a Bible verse every morning but nothing seemed to work. I felt like all I did was float through time, say a prayer or two in a month, get concerned for myself from time to time and shower myself with tons of K-dramas, Dan Brown novels and archeological documentaries. I was introduced to Elevation worship and THAT! That was a game-changer for me. My interests piqued once again and all I ever thought of was learning the lyrics to ‘Even when it Hurts.’ I learned more about religion, God and what it means to ME. For the first time, I was not in a toxic space where I had to worry about whose neck craned to see if I did the sign of the cross or if I received the Eucharist. I was finally in a space where it was just me and my God. Gaining confidence and owning my spiritual journey is what built my confidence to table thoughts, talks about religion, and how I felt about it. Religion is a personal journey and it is not between your family or friends. It is between you and your God. Most importantly, it is a lifestyle. That’s it for part one! Nothing but Cocoa Love, Sam. 🌻

Hebrews 4:12 ✨️🧚🏽‍♀️