Is there a space for me?

Samita Mwanicky
Jun 29, 2022
3 min read

Updated: Jun 30, 2022

He who does not know one thing knows another. ~ African Proverb.

The past couple of weeks has been nothing but a vicious cycle of questioning a lot. What has troubled me the most is wondering if there is a space for me to speak my mind. What if I did not agree with the narrative of joining the fight against the patriarchy? Or fighting my fellow women, and men because of what I have been fed by the world? Is there room for people like me who cannot necessarily say have been through anything profoundly life-changing enough to have such a strong opinion on a certain topic? Is there room for a kinder perspective on life?

I have gone through the motions, phases, philosophical arguments, name it. In the back of my mind, I know that women face inequalities and indifference but thing is, I have not felt that on a personal level. I mean this in a way that affects how I work, opportunities, my mental and emotional health, you get the drill. I find myself fighting men or situations for no reason whatsoever or driving a narrative that is angry and ill-marked in its purpose. At first, I thought I was feigning ignorance if I did not throw the first punch but I am wondering, ‘Who’s battle I’m I fighting?’ It would be absurd to say I am fighting for the women who have been wronged by men, women, religion, culture, the patriarchy, or the world.

The whole gender issue was never an issue to me until the world around me made it an issue. I kept fighting for society’s narrative which is quite laughable from where I stand but I still think it was necessary. I do not have to fight all men because enough men out there have unfortunately made women’s life very difficult and vice versa. I recognize that it is something that happens but making it a gender thing drains the idea behind the gender equity we scream about every other day.

I understand the fact that my great-grandparents faced a very difficult life but I cannot ignore the freedoms I enjoy today due to their sacrifice to make life better for me. I kind of believe in the person I am today was not built by society today. It is a culmination and its foundation built on societies that existed before me. What if we stop defining the problem within the scope of gender but as a shared societal problem? The narrative is quickly shifting to men’s mental health and men’s well-being. Will we now forget the women and uplift the men? It’s a question I keep asking myself every other day. I’m I being insensitive and oblivious to the oppression girls and women face? I’m I doing an injustice to another girl somewhere by looking at the world objectively, differently? I’m I wrong to think that gender equity is a better replacement for gender equality? Is it possible to create a healthy environment for people to co-exist? To see people before gender? Because that is what already puts people in boxes.

I think humanity is supposed to complement each other. I wonder if its fair to have a conversation about how we treat each other without questioning the pillars of the society we live in— Without questioning what we equally contribute to making society the way it is. The problem is not out there, it is within a proxy. I do not think my problems are everyone else’s problems; it is a disservice to the very foundation of objectively understanding people. It can be a shared issue, but not a shared problem. We all view the world through different lenses but I still wonder, where does one draw the line? I recognize doubling back when I see men or feeling judged as I pass a group of girls/ women, sneering at me. This does not mean these experiences should determine how I perceive people. Why?

They are human, and so am I.

I live in this kind of society, but that does not mean I should contribute the same negativity and biasness. In the same way, people before me fought to change society, and so will I. Change can look like this; simply changing what you contribute and put out there. I am done projecting and absorbing negativity from a single narrative. I am going to try and look at the world in a way that does not challenge my nature as a person, as an individual.

Unapologetically,

Nothing but cocoa love. 🤎

Sam 🌻