I am not your average girl.

Samita Mwanicky
Nov 11, 2020
4 min read

Hello beautiful people! I hope you are all doing good and are keeping safe.

It's bright outside (well, a second ago it was) and I really wished the world was this beautiful. It's insane how sometimes we put such deep meanings to weather elements at some point in life.

Maybe it comes with age 🤣

This quarantine period has been a blast for me! (Yeah, you read that right.)

Tons of heart breaking realizations sank in at 3 AM and all I could do was laugh.

I realized how sometimes people abandon themselves easily or self consume themselves in someone else's life. It all amounts to a laugh in the end and thoughts of how much time you wasted.

Let me add some little *optimistic* spice to that.

If you ever felt like you wasted your time doing something, you did not.

That was a life experience you got at the expense of your time. (kind of unfair buuutttt ya, it happened 😂.)

Yet, your moments wiser than you were at 2:59 AM with a tear soaked face.

You now know how to read the patterns and where to invest your time and energy without a doubt.

Back to the facts on the ground.

You were left with so many emotions and you have to sort it out now.

*major sigh*

You got the shorter end of the stick and more which really, really sucks.

For some reason, that is when more and more emotionally exhausting events happen to you.

I have been upset about one thing that seems to always circle back to me often.

"Samita, I really like you, let's date." "Samita, you're so pretty, si we just date. We would look good together." *tsk*

Now, I am not saying this to gas myself up or to blow my own trumpet and boast about it.

(unpopular personal opinion; dating is pointless as a teenager.)

I am saying this because someone asked me something that really ticked me off. "One, you're lightskin and pretty. Guys like you so why can't you just date them? I mean, he's really opened his heart to you. Just date him... Iko nini?"

JUST DATE HIM? That was what struck me so hard.

I accept that the one thing I hate the most is hurting someone's feelings even if I do not care about them a lot. But I have no idea why this hit me so hard.

What does being "lightskin" and pretty have to do with me dating anyone?

I respect everyone's feelings but emotional blackmail really sucks.

I owe it all to personal growth that I did not handle this in a toxic way.

I questioned myself as to why I go the long haul to try and accommodate how other people feel without stating how I feel.

My feelings also matter and your feelings cannot be the only thing to consider here.

I respect every word you say but Literature taught me best.

I will analyze every single word you say and will grill you for it to make everything make sense.

That is just me. So do not sideline my questions with, "Why are you complicating everything?"

Lols, I just do not understand why I need to be wooed by you honey coated words that always boil down to, "Let's just date."

I just want to know why you like me, why you want to date me and what makes anything I am asking seem complicated. Yes, I am emotionally savvy and I like explanations. 😌

If you cannot deal with that, leave.

It's as simple as that but when you go ahead and lay the blame on me for choosing my wellbeing and education first, you are not worth to be in my breathing space.

"Saa unadhani umeiva? (you think you're so hot?)"

Wueh by the way my G, yes, I think I am so hot and I am getting hotter by the second. "Basi date yourself! Nkt."

🤣 I sure am and I am loving how amazing, peaceful and love filled it is.

I just want it to make sense as to why it's my fault for saying no and "over analyzing."

Yes, your feelings alone were not enough to make me date you.

Your superficial explanations and "You are pretty" were not enough.

Hold yourself accountable for making me uncomfortable and reducing me to taking it too seriously.

You cannot always get what you want.

If this is offending or made someone sneer, that's just who I am.

I will accommodAtE myself anytime, any day.

Choose yourself over that girl, over that boy because you will always have yourself at the end of the day. No one can take that away from you.

If you will fight for love, I am cheering you on! But make sure you fight for it only if she or he meets you half way. Do not invest your time or energy if that is not happening. Jiheshimu. (Respect yourself.) ✨

Also, do not go around putting people down because they rejected you.

Do not go around tainting their name and spreading lies about them.

Sometimes, things do not work out and that is just life.

I mean, I really wanted a B.A Paris book ASAP but they are not in Kenya. 🤷🏽

We do not always get what we want and that is okay. You just deal with it and work with what you have.

Do not go around messing someone else's day because yours sucks.

I learned that after hurting a couple and realized it was a really shitty thing to do.

Indulge, live in your sucky life and make it not suck anymore.

Make it work for you.