How loud is your silence?

I think and listen to a lot of things but hardly to silence ~KR

Which thought strikes you when you think of silence? I used to associate it with crickets, nightfall, and a sea-scented breeze.

Nature for me is silent and tranquil which calmed my demeanor.

I took a liking to spending time alone and indulging in nature.

This attracted questions from the world around me– 'You look like a loner' or ' You look lonely, are you okay?'

It never occurred to me that it looked that way to other people, and neither did it bother me that being in my bubble attracted such comments.

Eventually, I thought about this deeply...

Why was sitting in silence viewed as lonely? I did not really focus on the silence but on how silence made me feel.

I then wondered what silence looked like for other people and what it meant.

I wondered how silent their silence was in the middle of a crowd, in the middle of a world that is always so loud and filled with the hustles and bustles of life.

I am prone to pocket myself in silent corners in a room full of people and it's a norm for me.

Some may think I cave into introversion when really, it so happens I want to have my silent moment.

When I experience overstimulation of my brain, I sometimes need to step back and commune with deep silence.

It helps me listen to my thought better and reflect on my actions from time to time.

It is also a great way to catch up with the world inside me. I must say, my silence is the kind of quiet that embraces and showers me with internal peace.

It is not fiery or chaotic, neither is it an in-between. It is just silent.

This reality drastically changed when I immersed myself in the fast-paced world without my foot on the brake pedal.

In a world where everything feels so loud and loud means you're smarter, more gritty, and someone worth listening to, silence is undervalued. This changed my perspective on the very foundation of my personality.

I frequently need some quiet time away from the world naturally.

I sometimes pay for undervaluing and not respecting the meaning of silence in my life. It completely changed how I resonate with silence in general let alone my silence.

The world and the pillars it has built itself on feel like there is barely any time to soak yourself in silence.

I find myself needing to be more intentional about it and for the first time, my inner world felt heavy, on edge, and always in fight or flight mode.

More often than not, I am more concerned with which items on my to-do list I did not cross out within the day or tasks yet to be accomplished.

Let's not forget deadlines to be met!

My mind is always flooded and swirling with things I should catch up with or do.

What is not amusing is when you have to play catch up with your own life.

It drags you to the most miserable pits where you ask yourself what you sacrificed your inner peace for and if it was worth it.

Chasing down your thoughts through a tunnel only gets you so far.

I figured out how easy it is to be swallowed into the assembly line and sold compliance till you forget what it means to relish in silence. Sleep becomes a suggestion and cuddling with silent moments suddenly becomes a luxury–

A luxury you simply cannot afford. That is when silence becomes so deafening because all you know is constant stimulation, worry, and action. It becomes your new form of silence.

I thought background music like jazz, lo-fi or soft tunes are not as harmful until you create a habit of always having something to fill the void and silent moments.

What I did not know was how much this was still stealing my chances with the quiet.

Thoughts crept in and an unsettling discovery led me to question why silence suddenly felt so loud for me.

A little series of habits can lead something that was once a haven to be a dangerous craving you want to have at all costs. Even in the moments when you should savor moments in your life that may shape you and take you on wholesome trips down memory lane. Pages filled with ink helped me reflect on the case and how we interact with silence. Wireless earphones–

Talking to people can feel like a hustle for some and may prefer the company of their favorite tune or the security of sending a 'do not talk to me' message to anyone who spots them.

That got me thinking that maybe one can fear what silence could do.

In a world that is so loud, do we fear the silence or do we fear ourselves in silence?

Maybe we tell ourselves a good lie, brush it off and live more passionately.

I know I developed this habit over time.

There is a great expense to it but writing this piece has been somewhat liberating.

I hope you get to spend more time in silence from time to time.

You could unearth the gems within you and maybe see some things a little clearer.

Nothing but cocoa love,

Sam 🌻